Say Anything

“Morning,” I greeted as Peyton walked into the kitchen.

“Hey,” she yawned pouring some coffee in her mug. She hopped onto the counter and sipped on her coffee. “So they left.”

I stared at her, mid-gulp and sighed. “Yeah.”

“At least it’s only three days,” she shrugged.

I nodded and opened a box of cereal. “Yeah, guess so.”

“How are you holding up?”

I tilted my head at her. “With?”

“Do you miss him?”

I looked down into my mug sticking a few pieces of cereal in my mouth. “Yeah, I kind of do, lame as it sounds.”

She smiled. “You want to go out to lunch later? We can come back and watch the game, get take out.”

“Sounds good,” I told her putting away the box and putting the mug in the sink.

She hopped off the counter and was rinsing out her mug. “Oh Brooke?”

“Yeah?”

“At lunch, I want to talk to you about that thing I needed to tell you,” she explained.

I nodded slowly, unsure of how I should feel. “Sure.”

“Ok, I’m going to go change,” she told me walking away to her room.
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“Hi, can I please have the pasta with some garlic please?” I kindly told the waiter.

He nodded and turned to Peyton. “Can I have the chicken alfredo and extra salad on the side please?” He smiled and poured our glasses with water before leaving.

“So, what did you want to talk about? You’re kind of making me nervous,” I said.

She took a drink of water before looking at me in the eye. “I have some news.”

“Please tell me your not pregnant,” I told her. She stared at me blankly, blinking and showing no emotion. “Oh God. Oh God! You are aren’t you? You did it, you finally reproduced!” I took in a few deep breaths.

“Brooke, I’m not pregnant.”

“And you’re going to have to marry Max, oh lord. You’re baby is going to be French. And, what?”

A tiny smirk grew on her face. “I’m not pregnant.”

I raised my eyebrows before lowering them. “Oh. Then what is the news?”

She fiddled around with her fork before answering “I was on the street the other day and I found this apartment for rent and I went to see it and it’s beautiful and I couldn’t resist. I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while and I got the apartment,” she explained.

I shook my head a little for the realization to sink in. “Are you telling me that you’re moving out?”

She looked down. “Uh huh,” she said before adding, “I think it’s time I moved out.”

“Is it because of me?”

She looked at me in disbelief. “No, of course it isn’t that. I love having you as a roommate. I just think it’s time I live by myself. I mean I went straight from living with my parents to living with you. I need to learn to do things for myself. You do everything and I cant keep living like that,” she told me.

I frowned staring blankly at the table. “But what will I do without you?”

“I know you’ll be fine. You can do anything. You’ve been taking care of the both of us,” she reassured.

I sighed. “But I’ll be lonely. We wont have breakfast anymore.”

“We can have breakfast whenever you want.” She placed a hand on mine. “Brooke, I have to do this, for me. I hope you understand.”

I nodded slowly. “I do understand. I just don’t like it. I love you way too much.” I reached across the table to give her an awkward hug, which she returned. We hugged over the table for a few seconds before the waitress came back with our food.

“Thank you, I’m starving!” she said picking up her fork.

“Have you told Max the news?” I asked forking down my pasta.

She nodded. “Yea I told him yesterday. He seems to be ok with it. He had the same concern as you.”

I chewed my pasta and took a drink of water. “What concern?”

“That I’d be leaving you alone,” she replied smiling.

“Ah. Wow I didn’t know he actually cared,” I mumbled.

“Yea,” she shrugged. “But he reasoned that now we could go visit you more often and he could bring the guys an Sidney,” she grinned.

“I like how you add Sidney at the end by himself, as if he were something special,” I joked.

A smirk grew on her face. “Well he is, at least to you.”

I only shook my head and returned to my pasta.
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“So I was thinking, maybe you and your freakish organizational skills could help me move,” she smirked opening the apartment door.

I laughed. “Sure.” She walked into her room as I followed. Her room was full of clothes thrown on the floor and unassembled boxes everywhere. “Uhm, when are you moving?”

“The day after tomorrow.”

“What!” I shrieked. “And you haven’t packed anything?”

Peyton exhaled deeply and looked at me, confusion overcoming her forehead. “Surprise?”

“What?”

“Surprise!” she said more enthusiastically. “yeah! This is my moving away gift to you. I know how much you love to do these kinds of things and I left it especially for you!”

I placed my hand on my hip and narrowed my eyes for a second, before pretending it was true and jumped up and down. “Really?” I squeaked. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get you anything!” I ran to her and hugged her.

She laughed as she hugged me. “It’s ok. We should get started, we can order in later and watch the game,” she said taking off her jacket and rolling up her sleeves.

I nodded as I took off my jacket and began planning everything out in my head. “Sounds good.” She knelt down and began forming boxes. “Has Max called you?”

“In the morning before he had practice. He said all the guys miss us, especially you. They’ve grown fond of you,” she looked at me. “Has he called you?”

I let out a small laugh as I folded her shirts. “Believe it or not he’s not obligated to call me.”

She shrugged doing something on her phone and staring at it for a second before setting it back down on the dresser. “But he wants to. I can tell.” She sighed and leaned against the dresser. “Are you even going to tell him?”

I froze. “Tell him what?”

“Anything,” she paused and let out a long breath of air. “Brooke I love you, but he may become distant if you don’t open up. You try to be this nice, kind and generous person and you are but you’re way too nice. All you do is cater to people’s needs and let them talk. It’s been great for Sidney because he needs that, but does that boy even know anything about you besides your birthday?”

I stared down at the shirt in my hand before folding it. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say you need to open up Brooke,” she sounded more impatient. “I have trouble figuring you out sometimes, imagine how he must feel. He probably thinks you don’t like him because you never want to tell him anything!” she ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “Brooke you cant keep closing yourself off to people, especially when they’re trying their best to get to know you. I know you’ve gotten used to it, but you need to change.”

I cleared my throat placing another folded shirt to the side. “It’s not as easy as it sounds.” I sat down on the bed and placed my hands on my knees. “I don’t always want to be like this, but I can’t help it. You know me, you got used to me, and you’ve learned to be patient. I can’t just tell anyone everything that’s happened to me. Besides, Sidney’s going through a hard time. He deals with so many things and doesn’t really have anyone to talk to about it. I’m trying to be there for him.”

“Forget about that. You need to talk to. He’s a good guy and you know that. You’ve helped him just by listening to him. Are you just never going to share your emotions because youre trying to be nice to him?”

I shrugged. “It’s better than him having to listen to all of my crap. He too nice and he’ll care about having to listen even if he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t deserve to carry around someone else’s baggage when he’s going through more than enough,” I raised my head and looked at her. “It wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“So what!” Peyton yelled staring at me in disbelief. “Stop caring about everyone else for one second! Yes, Sidney does have to deal with a lot, but so do you! all these years you’ve never opened up to anyone but me. You need to learn to trust people, especially when they’re trying!” She shook her head growing angrier the longer I stayed quiet.

I fixed my gaze upon the box in front of me, trying not to wince at how angry she had just gotten. She only ever yelled at me when she was trying to make a point. “What is he doesn’t?” I asked softly.

“What if he doesn’t what?”

I sighed. “What if he doesn’t like it? What if he realizes I’m to dark and twisted and doesn’t want to deal with me anymore? I can’t risk the slight friendship we have over that.”

She stayed silent before crawling over to me and sitting on the bed. “Then he’s crazy.”

I smiled softly, moving so she could sit more comfortably. “It’s too scary.”

“I know. But you have to try Brooke. He seems to really trust you and he might not for much longer if you don’t reciprocate some sort of trust towards him,” she explained.

“I know,” I told her honestly. I knew she was right.

“I’m not saying you need to do it now, but just when you talk. Say anything. So he feels like you do trust him,” she reasoned.

I gave her a tiny smile. “I’ll try, really.”

She smiled back wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “You’ll be fine Brooke. I promise.”

I rested my head on her shoulder and let out a breath. “I hope so.”
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“Wow,” Peyton breathed.

“I know.”

“That was just, wow.”

“I know.”

“I mean did you see that?”

“I know.”

“I thought for sure they lost it,” she added.

“I know.”

I cleared my throat and finally managed to say something else. “So did I. I didn’t expect that.”

“I mean the Rangers had all the momentum on their side. They didn’t even allow the puck to come close to their zone,” she explained.

I stared at the television. “Yeah and then out of nowhere, with twenty seconds left, they magically move the puck and do some nice blocking and passes and it sneaks under Lundqvist and he didn’t even see it.”

She nodded. “They played great,” she said picking up the two empty glasses off the table.

I grabbed the containers of take out and followed her into the kitchen. “They did.” I opened the refrigerator and pulled out two water bottles handing on to her and hopping on the counter.

She grinned. “Did you see the amazing goal Max made?”

I laughed. “It was pretty great. He looked really focused tonight.”

She sighed. “I guess we better get back to packing.” I nodded and went back to her room as we continued talking about the game and all of Max’s funny gestures.
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I yawned as I turned off the television and walked to my room turning on the lamp. Peyton went to sleep before I had, tired of all the packing. It was nearing midnight. I climbed into bed and under the covers staring at the ceiling. This day was too much to take in. My only best friend was moving out and had scolded me for not trusting enough.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. I reach next to me and answered. “Hello?”

“Hey Brooke.” Sidney’s voice came through.

I sat up straighter and raised my eyebrows in surprise before smiling. “Hey Sidney.”

He spoke softly. “I’m sorry to be calling so late.”

“No it’s fine,” I told him. “You played a great game, you know.”

“Thank you,” he answered quietly.

I hesitated for a moment before asking. “Is everything ok?”

He was quiet before sighing for a long time. “Yeah, I’m just a bit frustrated I guess.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess,” he paused to sigh again, “I guess I’m just worried about the season is all.”

I pressed my lips together. “What’s wrong? Are you scared the team isn’t doing well?”

“No it’s not that. I actually think they’re doing great. They’re playing their best every night. It’s everything else. The media. I just feel like they keep putting pressure on the team and myself with everything. First it was with the Winter Classic and this apparent rivalry I have with Ovechkin. Some people make me out to be so much better than him while others can’t even stand me. And they keep putting pressure for us to play better as if we have to win the cup this year. I think it’s getting to me more than the team. I feel like I have to lead them and be strong and not back down.”

“Sidney,” I began. “You know that no one expects you to be strong all the time right? Especially your team. I know it seems hard now, but it’s not. They don’t need you to be their captain, their leader. They just need you to be part of the team. They need you to be in the game with them every night. They don’t expect you to be fearless all the time. That’s impossible,” I explained.

He sighed. “I guess.”

“And as for the media. Excuse me but screw them.”

He let out a small laugh. I could picture him shaking his head.

“I’m serious,” I said laughing a bit. “Forget them. Forget anything they say. So what if you didn’t win the cup last year. It doesn’t mean you have to win it this year. They just focus on your team because you guys are one of the best. They assume you must have it all. Don’t listen to them. You just go out there and play the game. Forget about all these pretend feuds with teams and players and just play with your team. Don’t listen to what anyone else has to say. All that matters is what you want and what you believe in.”

He was silent for a while as I began to think if I had to repeat myself again. Just as I was about to speak, he did. “Thank you Brooke. For talking me down. I needed that. Thank you for always letting me complain to you,” he said jokingly.

I smiled. “No problem. You can tell me anything. Really. If you ever need to call me in the middle of the night because you need something, don’t hesitate.”

“Thank you,” he paused before asking. “So how are things over there?”

“Good. Quiet actually. Besides speaking to you guys Peyton and I never really do much,” I replied.

“How are things between you and Peyton?” he asked casually.

I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment before nodding my head back. “So you heard.”

He let out an awkward laugh. “Yea, Max let it slip earlier today. He didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, she’s moving out,” I said still trying to digest it.

“How are you?”

I thought for a moment before answering. “I’m fine.”

I heard him scoff slightly. “Really?” his tone grew more serious. “There’s nothing you want say about it? Are you sure you’re fine?”

Say anything. Anything. “No,” I blurted out. I can try and elaborate. “I’m not really fine.”

“You can tell me,” he assured.

I took in a deep breath before talking. “I’m not fine. I mean I have to pretend to be because if
I show sadness I know she’ll feel bad and think twice about moving. And I cant let her do that. She wants to move. I’m not going to be the reason she isn’t happy. I’m just really going to miss her. She’s….she’s my best friend. She’s my person. I tell her everything. I don’t want her to leave. But I guess I always knew one day she would. But I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry Brooke. I think you will be fine. You’re strong. You’ll be fine. And thank you.”

“For what?”

“For trusting me with that. This whole time I’ve felt like it’s just me talking and every time I try to talk about you, you change the subject. I want you to feel free to talk to me,” he spoke softly.

A tiny smile grew on my face. “Thank you. I might take you up on that sometime soon.”

“I hope so,” he yawned. “Well I’m going to go sleep. Goodnight Brooke.”

“Goodnight. And Sidney?”

“Yes?”

“Try not to think about the media or anyone else before you go to a game. Try and relax. Chances are you’ll play better and be relieved.”

“Thanks Brooke.”

I smiled. “Goodnight Sidney.” I hung up the phone and placed it under my pillow. I let out a long sigh from how I’d just spoken to Sidney. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I turned off my lamp and settled into bed letting the somewhat intimate conversation sink in along with everything else that happened that day.
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I opened my eyes and yawned as I stretched my arms above my head. I walked out to the living room to find Peyton watching TV. I trudged over to her and collapsed onto the couch.

She handed me some of her coffee. “Morning,” I greeted sipping the coffee.

“Morning,” she replied not taking her eyes off of the TV.

“You got up early,” I mumbled blowing at the coffee.

She shrugged. “Yea I got up earlier since you did fall asleep later than I did.”

I nodded. “Right.”

She sighed turning off the television. “The guys are coming back later tonight. They wanted to have breakfast tomorrow and Max said some of them would help me move.”

I nodded keeping my gaze on the floor. “Oh alright.”

“I’m going to miss you,” she told me. “I cant believe I’m moving out.”

I looked at her frowning. “I know. I’m going to miss you too.”

“I’ll come over all the time. Promise. It’ll be like I never left. Plus we work together so we’ll see each other everyday,” she jokingly said.

“Yeah.”

“I heard you talking to Sidney last night,” she admitted. “Did he call you to talk?”

“Yeah, he was just having a hard time is all. But he asked about me and I talked. More than a sentence. He said he didn’t mind listening to me,” I glanced down at the coffee in my hand.

She smiled. “That’s great. I’m just hoping you actually believe him and do something.”

I sighed. “I think I will.”